That Moment

Yesterday I finished my first semester of grad school. I had one exam, two papers and a presentation all for two classes but overall it was a really good first semester. I stayed up late last night and slept in this morning until 9, it was wonderful. 

Now I figure with all this extra time on my hands not having to do homework (more like having said homework out while playing computer games or watching TV) I figured I could start editing my novel that I finished in November. I opened the first draft when my computer started and there it sits. Staring at me. Looking me up and down thinking that I am a joke. It's almost worse than having that blank page in front of you, thoughts in your head but no idea how to transform them into pictures that the reader creates, the blinker intimidating you, saying that -you- can't do it. That you don't dare put words to the page, ink on the paper, to show how stupid you could actually be. That was nothing. 

Since then I've forgotten about several of the points of the story. Some parts vanish like a dream after waking up. It has changed in my head how I preserve it. Now I have to go back and make those changes. The words that I hastily wrote down to reach that 50,000 word mark. Now it's time to see if I really have what it takes. To read my novel and go on it's journey into the deep words where I hope my flashlight battery won't die on me. It's time to edit...or take out the trash. :)

Odd Feeling

The last two days I've had an odd feeling. The feeling like I should be doing something, but I'm not. That's not a good feeling, especially when you add in school, homework and work. I'm already missing writing. I love to write. I can't wait until my classes are over (in ten days for this semester) before I get to edit my novel (either titled Ice Cream Man or You Scream, We All Scream). I love to write. I will always write.

Welcome back old friend

Welcome back NaNoWriMo. This month will be full of crazies walking around asking random people to give them a name for a character, a plot twist, a place, an idea. I am one of those crazies. Luckily, I'm off to a good start. Already hit 1,868 words today (daily word goal is 1,667) and I'm feeling good. 
This morning before my sister, Christina, went off to work, she asked me to read the first sentence to her. I did better than that. I read the first few paragraphs. And she was scared. Let me give you a small taste:

“Come on Else, it’s your turn!” Paris yelled out. “Ohhh, you’re going to get it! You’re going to get it! Your mouse is going to get trapped!”

      “Quiet Paris,” George said, “She might not role a three, plus the trap isn’t even set up yet.”

            “So, it’s still fun teasing her!” Paris said. “You take all the fun out of things Geor-Ge.”

            “No he doesn’t,” Else chimed in. “He’s sweet,” she said looking over to him in his dirty Superman shirt.

            “Ohhh,” Courtney said, sitting up as she was lying in the tree house looking up through the holes in the roof at the fresh green leaves, “Else and George sitting in a tree,” Paris joined in, “K I S S I N G, first comes love,” James, who was lying next to Courtney joined the teasing, “Then comes marriage,” Abbey, Jacob and Sam finally joined in with the rest, “Then comes the baby in the baby carriage. Suckin’ his thumb, wettin’ his pants, doin’ the naked baby dance. That’s not all, that’s not all…” Spottie, George’s dog which all of the kids loved was barking along while running around below.

            “Wait a sec guys,” Courtney said, as the rest were trailing off with the very familiar teasing song. “Do you hear that?”

            “Hear what?” Paris asked annoyingly as she was having fun making fun of Else and George.

Holy Shit

I have one of these days every year, for the past four years a least, where I suddenly actually realize that I am beginning to write my novel tomorrow. Holy shit. 

I have a pretty good idea of what I am going to write about and am aiming for high word count goals this first week, except, that might be a little harder this year. A week from today, Wednesday, I have an exam. No big deal except we don't really know what kind of exam it is going to be, so we have to study everything and anticipate anything. That being said, I'm meeting up with two people on Monday to study. I also have kick boxing on Tuesdays and Thursdays. This Friday I was planning on hanging out with a friend and Saturday I work and can only do so much while there, at least I work with awesome people most shifts. Sunday is a Packer game so there goes a good 3 or 4 hours of non writing. Plus I'm a crazy college girl and actually believe in sleeping and eating. I think my goal of getting over the needed word count goal for this first week is very slim, but I'll try my hardest, as I try to do in all aspects of life. 


If you or someone you knows wishes to contribute to a great imaginative cause, you can do so here: http://www.stayclassy.org/fundraise?fcid=216976

11 Days and Some Odd Hours

11 days is all that separates me, and thousands (maybe even millions) of others from going crazy. That's right, I'm talking about NaNoWriMo again (http://nanowrimo.org). I remember last year I was so prepared. I had a good outline with my ideas written down, I had characters pictured in my mind I was ready. This year I have an outline, but nothing after chapter 5 and I have a few characters, but only one is crystal clear (you know which one David :) ). 
Even though I don't feel as prepared as I did last year, I feel more excited. I can't wait to see where my characters take me after the 5th chapter. What they do, how they will act, who they will run into, how they will treat each other...I can't wait. I'm going to go along for the ride. At that point, I kinda feel like God. Not saying that I am God or anything, but after creating your characters, you watch them grow and change and all you have to do is pray that your fingers can type fast enough so you don't miss anything. Once they get going, it's full steam ahead and there's no stopping. I love to write. I have found my calling...at least one of them. 

30 Days

30 days. 30 days left until November. 30 days left to get ahead on school work. 30 days left to do those big projects due in November and early December. 30 days. 30 days left until National Novel Writing Month. 30 days until all hell breaks loose and once again the participants go crazy. That's not long.

PUBLISHED!

The smile on my face could not get bigger right now! Let me explain.

Each year for the past three years I take part in what is called National Novel Writing Month or NaNoWriMo for short. NaNoWriMo is a competition, as much with others as it is with yourself as participants are challenged to write a 50,000 word novel between November 1st and the 30th. That's roughly 1,667 words a day. For the past three years, I took part in NaNoWriMo. The first year I barely finished, staying up late on the 30th and finished just short of midnight ~ the cut off. I didn't really like my story and haven't looked back at it since. The second year I finished during the day of the 30th but didn't really like my story again. 

The third year I was determined. I finished the 50,000 words on the 29th but still had to finish the story. With exams around the corner, I decided to do some editing during winter break. I gave it a look over and it wasn't half bad, actually, it was pretty good if I may say so. I tried to get my sister to help me edit but that didn't work. With the spring semester starting it was buried under books and homework. Summer came and the books went away, which is when I started to edit again. I knew it would be better to have someone else look over it to make sure my message was being conveyed and not that I just understood what I wrote several months before. That is when I enlisted Mason, my boyfriend, to help. He read it over giving notes and suggestions where he saw fit. I read them over and made changes and he read it again, catching things neither of us caught before. It was good. It was better than good. It was ready. I went to CreateSpace, a free self-publishing website, set up an account and published my book. That was a few days ago. On the 11th my book was on Kindle through Amazon. Today I just checked and my book is on Amazon. I'm on Amazon! (http://www.amazon.com/Keys-Sonja-Bauer/dp/1478367466/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1344967175&sr=8-2&keywords=keys+sonja+bauer if interested). How crazy is this? I am on amazon!?! I couldn't be happier right now!

Scared

Back in November I wrote a novel. The even is called NaNoWriMo or National Novel Writing Month where participants compete against themselves and the clock to write a 50,000 word novel. I finished my 50,000 words with a day to spare, and the ending to still be finalized. I have been doing NaNoWriMo for the last three years. I started because my sister heard about it from some friend and I thought, '50,000 words, that's nothing!' Well that year I managed to finish it with literally moments to spare. In the twenty-third hour of the night, I had finished and was so excited. That novel though was a piece of crap. I wasn't prepared. I had a story inside of my head but misjudged the length with the original story. The original part was a mere 10,000 words. I had to think quick as the second hand changed minutes and hours soon went by. I ended up doing an epilogue to that story to fill up the remaining 40,000 words where my characters jumped 10 years into the future. Once that last word was typed, the words entered onto the official website which counts the words, I never looked back at it. 
The next novel I wrote I was better prepared. I had more ideas flowing in my head. I described my characters better and made them have their own flaws. I made them human. Thing was, it was still crap. I didn't know what I was talking about. I related on others to help me too often. It is a fine thing to have others help you, don't get me wrong, but there's something different about hearing about the experience or event verses actually going through it. When you actually experience the event, you remember certain things. The way the light was shinning. The smells. The background noises. How you felt. Why you felt that way. These things are typically lost in day to day communication where the go to response is always 'I guess you had to be there.' With writing, if you write well, you should never have to say that. The words on the page should draw such an emotional response that it is like you were actually there. The characters and readers should see how the light shines. Taste the smells. Hear the background noises. Feel like they are currently experience it. Understand why they feel the emotions that they do. As my characters lacked most of these things, it was still a piece of crap and once again, I have never looked back at a single word I wrote, yet still remember the basic plot.
The third novel I wrote was different. I dove right in. I started with action. I describe somethings with such great detail that the picture in my head was exactly like the one drawn with words. My characters have feelings. They cried. They laughed. They loved. My characters have jobs. They stress about certain things and they each have their own quirk that makes them who they are. Several of my characters died. Some as heroes. Some by accident. They experience things that they never tried before. They helped others with their problems while setting their problems on the back burner. They traveled. They weren't always happy but they lived, they really lived. Because I liked the way I was writing this novel so much while writing (not wanting to stop just because I was on such a roll) I decided to edit it. After the first two chapters of editing, I decided to let me sister read it and edit for grammar mistakes as I was sure I missed my fair share. This was the part I was scared of. I was finally letting someone else into my brain. Into how I think. If you have ever written three books, the first two being complete duds and a waste of time and finally feeling so passionate about the third that you are actually proud of it (wanting to hang it up on the fridge with a gold star) then you understand what I was going through. If not, let me explain. This was the moment when I would find out if someone else liked my work. Liked my work so much that they could not put it down. This was also the moment when I would find out if I should stick to my day job and not write another novel again. I was terrified of this moment. This moment would defy me for the rest of my living days. I clicked the send button on my email and she received it seconds later. It was there. In her hands now to judge. To judge my work. To judge my mind. To ultimately judge me.
At the end of each chapter, she said she was caught. She wanted to find out what would happen next. Why the characters were the way they were. She was reading the fourth chapter (of eight total) yesterday and tweeted a great complement. She said "Man, my sister's writing is so good that one part made the Life and Death theme from LOST play in my head while reading." As we were both LOST lovers when it was on, it was one of the nicest things she has ever said. 
I am still scared to let others read my work as I know that every book isn't for everybody and that I certainly have a fair share of books that I tried reading which brought me to not look at it again. I am proud of myself. Not for writing my third novel and actually liking it myself, but for growing and letting another person read what I imagined and go on the same dream that I had. Hopefully this next November my novel will be one that I love just as much as this one. Hopefully I will not be scared to show it to others. Only time will tell.